Sunday, July 12, 2015

Going Full NHL: Bench vs. Larkin

The other day, I saw one of the usual complaints by an idiot "fan" about the All-Star Game.  I know a lot of these morons just want to see their own names and get people fired up, but seriously, what would you change to make the All-Star Game any better?  Other than the World Series home field thing, which isn't really as big a deal as it used to be and has gotten a whole lot less controversial, there's nothing about the MLB All-Star Game that warrants changing.  Even the Kansas City fans stuffing the virtual ballot box thing got straightened out (although you knew that by including Moustakas in the Final Vote, the other guys didn't stand a chance).

Think that home field advantage thing doesn't matter?  Tell that to Ned Yost.  How else can you explain Brock Holt (this year's Omar Infante Award recipient) being an All-Star?  And how many middle relievers do you need on an All-Star team?  (The answer's not four.)

As a response to one of these morons and their asinine comments, I pointed out that at least it's American League vs. National League, which will never change.  That alone is enough to bring some validity to the All-Star Game.  It could be like the NHL and Pro Bowl with their stupid "pick your own team" format.  (I haven't watched the Pro Bowl in a few years.  That's one of the reasons why.)

But, me being me, I decided to take the "ultimate fantasy game" a step farther.  Let's see what teams like that might look like.  Since the game's in Cincinnati, Johnny Bench and Barry Larkin will be our honorary captains and responsible for choosing the teams.  I figured Pete Rose would be a little too controversial a choice as a team captain, so we'll let him set the odds after Bench and Larkin make their selections.

Johnny Bench wins the coin toss to pick first and selects Bryce Harper.  With his first pick, Larkin takes Mike Trout.  Since Bench picked first, he gets the option of the extra pitcher or the extra position player.  (Why the NL has 14 pitchers and the AL only has 13 I don't know.)  And to make the teams even, the players will be divided by position and each team will have the same number of guys at each position, and the last guy at a given position will be automatically assigned to whichever team is one short.  (For roster allocation purposes, Prince Fielder's a first baseman and Nelson Cruz is an outfielder.)

Being voted as a starter is irrelevant in the All-Star Draft.  So is your team/league affiliation.  Again, I think this method is incredibly stupid, but it's what we're stuck with in the NHL and NFL for the time being, and some people do like the real-life fantasy draft thing.  That's why we're doing this.  I'll never happen, though.  Which I'm not complaining about.

So what are the teams?  Here you go:

JOHNNY BENCH
Pitchers: Chris Archer, Dellin Betances, Zach Britton, A.J. Burnett, Aroldis Chapman, Jacob de Grom, Zack Greinke, Kelvin Herrera, Dallas Keuchel, Carlos Martinez, Shelby Miller, Chris Sale, Hector Santiago
Catchers: Russell Martin, Salvador Perez, Buster Posey
1st Basemen: Prince Fielder, Albert Pujols, Mark Teixeira
2nd Basemen: Jose Altuve, DJ LeMahieu, Joe Panik
Shortstops: Brandon Crawford, Alcides Escobar, Troy Tulowitzki*
3rd Basemen: Kris Bryant, Manny Machado, Mike Moustakas
Outfielders: Ryan Braun, Lorenzo Cain, Brett Gardner, Bryce Harper, Andrew McCutchen, A.J. Pollock

BARRY LARKIN
Pitchers: Brad Boxberger*, Madison Bumgarner, Gerrit Cole, Wade Davis, Felix Hernandez, Clayton Kershaw, Mark Melancon, Darren O'Day, Jonathan Papelbon, Glen Perkins, David Price, Francisco Rodriguez, Trevor Rosenthal, Michael Wacha
Catchers: Yasmani Grandal, Yadier Molina, Stephen Vogt
1st Basemen: Paul Goldschmidt, Adrian Gonzalez, Anthony Rizzo
2nd Basemen: Brian Dozier, Brock Holt, Jason Kipnis
Shortstops: Jose Iglesias, Jhonny Peralta
3rd Basemen: Nolan Arenado, Josh Donaldson, Todd Frazier
Outfielders: Nelson Cruz, Adam Jones, J.D. Martinez, Joc Pederson, Mike Trout, Justin Upton

*-Bench decided he'd rather have the extra position player and takes Tulowitzki with his last pick.  Brad Boxberger, the last pitcher remaining, goes to Larkin's team and gets the car.  Since Bench got to pick his team first, Larkin's team gets to be "home" in the All-Star Game.  The managers are randomly predermined, with Ned Yost managing Bench's team and Bruce Bochy managing Larkin's.

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