New Year's Resolutions

We're almost a week into 2012.  I'm sure that by now a number of New Year's Resolutions have already been broken.  I was smart enough to not even make any.  But I was wondering: what kind of resolutions do sports stars make?  I, of course, have no idea.  Based on the events of 2011, I have some suggestions for New Year's Resolutions that should've been made by athletes and other sports figures.

For NASCAR's Busch brothers (Kurt and Kyle)...to not say and/or do stupid things that will get them fined (both), suspended (Kyle) or fired (Kurt)

For LeBron James, Vince Young, and anyone else who used the term "Dream Team" to refer to the professional club they play for...to avoid using the term "Dream Team" until said team has, you know, actually accomplished something

For the presidents and athletic directors at BCS schools that switch conferences...to give your actual reason for switching leagues (to help the football team make more money, the rest of the athletic department be damned) at the press conference instead of speaking in hypocritical cliches like "we were looking for a league with more stability"

For the directors of bowl games and other college football decision makers...to get a clue and realize that the only way to crown a "champion" that people aren't going to dispute is to have a playoff

For ESPN...to realize that there are more sports out there than college football and the NBA

For Rex Ryan...to shut up unless you're willing to take it when your trash talk is thrown right back in your face or bites you in the ass

For Tim Tebow...to become an actual NFL quarterback and stop crediting God for everything you do (you're religious, we get it!)

For fans of the Boston Red Sox...to come to grips with the fact that only people in New England love your team.  Pretty much everyone else outside New York hates the Yankees and Red Sox equally.

For the Red Sox' starting rotation...not to eat fried chicken in the clubhouse during games

For Mark Sanchez...to be a little more discreet when enjoying the company of beautiful young women

For Serena Williams...to play tennis, like it or not, and save the tantrums for times other than significant points in Grand Slam matches

For FIFA...to hold one press conference (just one) where it at least looks like what's being announced isn't the result of blatant corruption, even though it obviously will be

For all players and coaches involved with the NHL...to see how many different ways the various English curse words can be used, and to use at least one in every sentence

For the NCAA...to actually be consistent on the penalties that are given out to programs instead of being more lenient on the ones you like better (There's no way you can tell me that what USC did is worse than what Ohio State did.  Ohio State deserved at least the same punishment, if not a worse one.)

For Tim Lincecum, Shaun White and many others...to get a haircut (Troy Polamalu's hair is awesome, so he can keep his)

For Brian Wilson...to shave and act like a normal person

For Chad Johnson and Ron Artest...to accept the fact that the names you've given yourselves are stupid and people are still going to refer to you by your given names anyway, so you might as well switch them back

And finally, for all U.S. Olympians...to go to London and come back with a ton of medals that were won cleanly and won't be taken away five years from now when it's revealed you were on performance-enhancing drugs (if you're not going to London clean, we don't want you on the Olympic team at all)

I know that some of this is probably wishful thinking, but wouldn't it be nice if at least some of it came true?