Sports On Seinfeld

Today we celebrate the 25th anniversary of my favorite TV show of all time.  The first episode of Seinfeld aired 25 years ago today.  They covered a lot of nothing over nine years.  And we learned how much the four friends loved sports.  How much?  Let's see...

Tennis: Jerry's a very good tennis player, but he agreed to throw a match against Milos, the tennis pro at his club, so that no one would know how bad Milos was.  Newman also played tennis, which we found out when Elaine had to borrow his racket for Mr. Pitt's match against Ethel Kennedy.  But perhaps the most famous tennis-related storyline was in "The Lip Reader," when Jerry dates deaf US Open lineswoman Marlee Matlin.  This is, of course, also the episode where Kramer becomes the first "ball man" and ends up tripping Monica Seles during the finals.

Running: Jerry was very fast growing up, but he never joined the track team, saying instead "I choose not to run."  One day he beat Duncan Meyer in this big race and Duncan has hated him ever since, so they race again.  And Jerry wins thanks to Kramer's car backfire.  We also saw Elaine befriend Trinidadian marathon runner John Paul Jonpaul, who overslept and missed the Barcelona Olympics.  He ends up staying with Jerry the night before the New York City Marathon, only to oversleep again.  He leads the race, anyway, until splashing Kramer's coffee on his face near the finish.  Speaking of Kramer, he gets beaten up for refusing to wear a ribbon during an AIDS walk.

Boxing: It's not technically boxing, but who can forget "The Little Jerry," when Kramer buys a rooster, names it after Jerry, and it becomes a champion cockfighter.  George also gets into an argument with Kramer's friend Mike Moffitt when they're all going to Jerry's place to watch a fight, then gets in trouble with his boss, Mr. Morgan, when he tells him he looks like Sugar Ray Leonard.

Hockey: Puddy's a Devils fan.  And he paints his face in Devils colors because he's "gotta support the team."  After Elaine asks him to stop, he paints his chest instead.  Jerry and Kramer end up joining him in spelling out "DEVILS" after they can't get better seats to the Rangers-Devils playoff game because Jerry refuses to call the guy who gave them tickets to the last game and thank him over the phone.

Frisbee Golf: George is a big fan of "frolf," so he can't resist when some guys are playing in the park and ask him to join them for the back nine of their game during the "Summer of George."

Billiards: Frank Costanza puts a regulation pool table in George's old bedroom and invites Kramer and the Maestro over to play.  Only problem is the table takes up the entire room, so there's no room to actually play, until Kramer figures out he can use the Maestro's baton instead of a cue.

Swimming: Kramer can't do laps at his pool anymore because of senior water aerobics class, so he begins swimming in the East River instead.  Jerry has his own problems.  His pool guy, Ramon, doesn't like him, so Ramon's always in his way when he's trying to swim.  That is until Jerry pulls Ramon in and he gets knocked out by Newman's cannonball.

Basketball: We know that George is a "chucker" when he plays.  That's also how he broke his glasses.  Kramer played basketball with those strength shoes that Jimmy sold on and got confused for someone who's mentally challenged.  Kramer also goes to Knicks games a lot.  He ends up going with Joel Hornick after Jerry blows him off, then famously went to a strip club with Spike Lee and Reggie Miller after getting into a fight with Miller during a game.  And the whole gang hijacked a limo that they thought was taking them to Madison Square Garden for a Knicks-Bulls game, but was actually supposed to take O'Brien to the Aryan Union rally at the Theater at Madison Square Garden.

Football: The football on Seinfeld is very limited.  Maybe it's because Elaine's boyfriend got confused with a serial killer during a Giants game, prompting even Lawrence Taylor to do a double take.  And Jerry couldn't give away his Super Bowl ticket until Tim Whatley ends up taking it, only for Jerry to end up going to the game anyway...with Newman!

Golf: Kramer is a very good golfer, and it's one of the few things we know he has a passion for.  He gets invited to play at a private club in Westchester, has a shot at the Senior PGA Tour, and hits golf balls into the ocean for fun.  But the best Kramer golf moments are when his caddy screws up Sue Ellen Mischke's trial and when he drives Steve Gendison, who killed a dry cleaner after an argument with Kramer on the golf course, to see his fish in a low-speed chase.

Softball: Jerry leads his softball team to the championship game, but ends up having to miss it when his aunt dies after a remark he made about a pony during dinner.  The game gets rained out, but Jerry has a terrible game.  That's still better than what happened to George during a softball game.  He ran over Bette Midler at home plate, knocking her out of "Rochelle, Rochelle: The Musical."

Baseball: But it's baseball where we have our most memorable Seinfeld sports memories.  This is probably because the real Jerry is a pretty big Mets fan, although it's the Yankees George ends up working for.  And that gave us Larry David's George Steinbrenner.  It also led to plenty of cameos from real Yankees, my favorite of which was when he was teaching Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams how to hit home runs.

The best baseball guest star on Seinfeld, though, was featured in one of the series' classic episodes, "The Boyfriend."  Keith Hernandez.  So many wonderful things about that episode.  Kramer hates him.  Newman despises him.  All because he spit on them on June 14, 1987.  (Although, interestingly, the Mets didn't play the Phillies on June 14, 1987.)  Jerry has a theory that there's a second spitter, who eventually proves to be Roger McDowell.

And we've got plenty of other baseball-related storylines.  Kramer saw Joe DiMaggio at Dinky Donuts and punched Mickey Mantle while away at Fantasy Camp.  George loses his Phil Rizzuto keychain in a pothole and has to jackhammer it out, tries to get himself fired unsuccessfully, and is eventually traded to Tyler Chicken.  Elaine, meanwhile, refuses to take off her Orioles hat while sitting in the owner's seats at Yankee Stadium and is asked to leave.  Then there's Jerry, who ends up dating Miss Rhode Island after meeting her at a Yankees game.

Amazingly, there was never any bowling on Seinfeld, which is a shame.  Because can you imagine how awesome it would've been to have those four bowling?  Or the image of someone like Newman in a bowling shirt?  I also can't recall any instances of soccer being mentioned on Seinfeld.  See, there's still stuff they didn't do.  They easily could've had a 10th season.  Oh well.  Happy Anniversary, Seinfeld.