Monday, December 3, 2012

What's Dumber? The Number of Bowls, or the Names?

College bowl season is here!  As you know, that's fake enthusiasm on my part.  The ridiculously unnecessary number of bowls is one of the primary reasons why I hate college football so much.  Consider: there are 34 bowl games, which means 68 teams go to a bowl.  That's the same number that go to the NCAA Basketball Tournament.  There are about 200 more Division I basketball teams than BCS football teams.  The number of bowls is made even more ridiculous because out of the 34 games, only one matters.  The rest are glorified exhibitions.

Of course, the mere existence of the CBI and CIT have helped water down the NCAA basketball postseason field, but, for the most part, the teams that play in those tournaments at least acknowledge it's a consolation prize.  Not so with the bowls.  And forgive me for being confused, but I don't see how you can go 6-6, finish seventh in your conference, and get all excited playing in some random bowl game.  It's supposed to be the postseason.  It should be a matchup between two good teams.  You shouldn't be guaranteed to get a bid because you finished ninth in the ACC.  Some conferences have these guaranteed tie-ins, but not enough teams that were bowl eligible, so the games had to pick replacements.  (Just a thought, but maybe you should stay away from the 11th-place team in the Pac-12 next time.)

If there's anything more ridiculous than the number of bowl games and the number of mediocre teams that get to play in them, it's got to be the names of some of them.  I know all of these games are sponsored, but the organizers apparently never got the memo about branding.  There's something to be said about the traditional names.  Nobody would ever be stupid enough to try and rename the Rose Bowl.  Or the Orange Bowl.  Or the Sugar Bowl.  Or the Cotton Bowl.  Go ahead and have a sponsor, but the (Insert Sponsor Name Here) Bowl thing is stupid, and it's getting out of hand.  So is the two different bowls in one stadium, one of which is completely meaningless and even more unnecessary.

Likewise, why are there bowls in cold-weather cities?  Is it at all possible for players/fans/alumni/administrators to get excited about a meaningless game that's played outdoors in Boise, Idaho in late December?  I guarantee it's a lot easier to get on board with a bid to the Hawaii Bowl than one to the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl.

With that in mind, here are some of the best (read: dumbest) bowl names/matchups of the 2012 season:
  • Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl: Navy vs. Arizona State-Macaroni and cheese for everybody!  What better way to fight hunger?  Do the players get free mac and cheese as a part of their bowl gift package?
  • Military Bowl: San Jose State vs. Bowling Green-I didn't know either one of these universities was a branch of our armed forces.  You learn something new everyday.
  • Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl St. Petersburg: Central Florida vs. Ball State-A Big East team is supposed to be in this game.  But there weren't enough that were good.  Yet the other conferences all want to gut the Big East for some reason.  And why is there a college bowl game in the worst baseball stadium of them all?  Granted the ball probably won't hit the catwalk, but is the venue really any better for football?
  • Belk Bowl: Cincinnati vs. Duke-This would be a really good basketball game.  I have no idea what Belk is, what they do, or why they have a bowl game.  Or where it is for that matter.
  • Little Caesars Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Central Michigan-This is Exhibit A of where less would be more.  Do you really need a bowl game in Detroit between teams from the Sun Belt and the MAC?
  • Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas: Minnesota vs. Texas Tech-Not to be confused with the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Iowa.
  • Russell Athletic Bowl: Rutgers vs. Virgina Tech-Two schools that think leaving the Big East made them relevant.  It didn't.  At least Big East fans can watch this game and pretend it's a conference game.
  • Sun Bowl: USC vs. Georgia Tech-I normally don't have a problem with the Sun Bowl.  But Georgia Tech is 6-7.  Just because they played in the ACC Championship Game doesn't mean they don't suck.  Winning records should be required of bowl teams.
  • Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl: TCU vs. Michigan State-See, this is a case of where the branding makes absolutely no sense.  The Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl should be in Buffalo.  Although, I guarantee nobody wants that.  Not even the Michigan State people.
  • New Era Pinstripe Bowl: West Virgina vs. Syracuse-Might as well call it the "Screw You Big East Bowl."  There's some sort of irony that this is the matchup, right?  Two of the three schools that said sayonara to the Big East, opening the door for everybody else to pick at the crumbs.  So, Syracuse's last game as a Big East team is against a team that was in the conference until this year.  Another one Big East fans can watch and pretend it's a conference game.  My issues with the Pinstripe Bowl run deeper than that, though.  As long as it exists, the Rangers can't host the Winter Classic.  And I really want them to (provided they ever play hockey and there actually is a Winter Classic again).
  • Chick-fil-A Bowl: LSU vs. Clemson-Only problem here is the name.  It used to be called the Peach Bowl.  The game's in Atlanta.  That's the perfect name.  Why change it?  There's a Chick-fil-A on every corner in the South.  That pretty much guarantees everybody would know who you are without a bowl game.  That's why there's no Waffle House Bowl.
  • Capital One Bowl: Georgia vs. Nebraska-Same thing with the Capital One Bowl.  It used to be called the Citrus Bowl.  That's the freakin' name of the stadium where the game is played!  Capital One, you sponsor everything!  Is Capital One Bowl really that much different than Capital One Florida Citrus Bowl?
  • BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Mississippi-The perfect appetizer for the NFL wild card games.  Why is this game scheduled for Jan. 5?  After all the games between teams that actually deserve to be in bowls?
  • Godaddy.com Bowl: Kent State vs. Arkansas State-'Cause we can't have a week without a Sunday night game!  You know, why wouldn't this be the last game before the National Championship?  It's clearly the second-most significant game.  But since it's Godaddy.com, I'm putting the over/under at 40 Danica Patrick commercials, and those are never a bad thing.

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